This blog started out as something very different under a very different name. See, I walked through a whirlwind of razorblades and came out the other side bleeding but still standing. With my vision stained crimson, I took a look at life and said, “Ha! I beat you! You threw nothing but shit my way and I’m still here.”
I was proud of myself and I believed it, believed I had won...until the day I thought I was having a heart attack.
It was just like that. Everything fine and then—bam! Trouble breathing. Heart racing. Pain in my chest. Thoughts flying: What’s happening? What’s wrong with me? Oh fuck, I’m gonna die!
Somehow I drove myself to the medical clinic close to my house. The nurses called my husband at work. He rushed over. The clinic ran all sorts of tests and then sent me to the hospital for more.
Turns out I wasn’t having a heart attack. It was a panic attack.
That revelation blew me away—a panic attack?!?! Really? Are you sure? I’ve had panic attacks before and—
Nope. You have not had panic attacks before. You’ve been anxious. You’ve been worried. And you’ve even been fearful. This, however, is your first panic attack and it’s a big mean bitch....
The panic attack sent me back to therapy to face the monster in my head-space. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about the monster yet—to name it. Maybe soon. But first? It gets worse...In the midst of everything else came some other health issues.
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